TED演讲 | 解读我们每个人的羞耻

| 简介

羞耻感是一种不可言说的流行病，是许多支离破碎的行为背后的秘密。在早先关于脆弱的演讲得到病毒式的传播之后，布琳.布朗继续探寻当人们与羞耻感狭路相逢时会发生什么。言语间闪耀着她特有的幽默、人文关怀以及脆弱。

| 音频 + 视频

| 中英对照演讲稿

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I'm going to tell you a little bit about my TEDxHouston Talk.

我要跟大家讲一点关于我TEDxHouston演讲的事。

I woke up the morning after I gave that talk with the worst vulnerability hangover of my life.

在演讲之后的那个早上，是我这辈子经历过最糟糕，最脆弱的宿醉。

And I actually didn't leave my house for about three days.

而且我有三天都足不出户。

The first time I left was to meet a friend for lunch.

第一次出门是去见个朋友一起吃午饭。

And when I walked in, she was already at the table.

当我进去的时候，她已经在餐桌上了。

I sat down, and she said, "God, you look like hell."

然后我坐下，然后她说：“天啊，你看起来真颓。”

I said, "Thanks. I feel really -- I'm not functioning."

我说：“谢谢啊，我觉得 -- 我都不能正常思考了。”

And she said, "What's going on?"

然后她说：“什么情况？”

And I said, "I just told 500 people that I became a researcher to avoid vulnerability.

然后我说：“我刚刚告诉了500个人，说我成为了一个避免脆弱的研究者。

And that when being vulnerable emerged from my data, as absolutely essential to whole-hearted living, I told these 500 people that I had a breakdown.

而当我的数据表明，保持脆弱是全心投入生活所不可或缺的基础时，我告诉这500个人，我崩溃了。

I had a slide that said 'Breakdown.' At what point did I think that was a good idea?"

我放了张幻灯片写着崩溃，我是搭了哪根弦会觉得这是个好点子呢？”

And she said, "I saw your talk live-streamed. It was not really you.

然后她说：“我看了你演讲的现场视频了，那不太像你。

It was a little different than what you usually do. But it was great."

跟你平常有点不一样，不过真的很棒。”

And I said, "This can't happen. YouTube, they're putting this thing on YouTube. And we're going to be talking about 600, 700 people."

然后我说：“我得阻止这个上YouTube，他们要把这个放到YouTube上去。那就是600人，700人的事了。”

And she said, "Well, I think it's too late."

然后她说：“这样啊，我看来不及了。”

And I said, "Let me ask you something."

于是我说：“问你一下。”

And she said, "Yeah." I said, "Do you remember when we were in college, really wild and kind of dumb?"

她说：“好。”然后我说：“你还记得在大学时代特别疯特别傻的那时候吗？”

She said, "Yeah." I said, "Remember when we'd leave a really bad message on our ex-boyfriend's answering machine?

然后她说：“记得呀。” 于是我说：“还记得我们那时候，给前男友的答录机留了一段特别糟的话，

Then we'd have to break into his dorm room and then erase the tape?"

然后我们不得不撬开他宿舍的门， 然后把那段话抹掉的事吗？

And she goes, "Uh... no."

然后她说：“呃，不记得。”

Of course, the only thing I could say at that point was, "Yeah, me neither. Yeah -- me neither."

所以当然了，我也只能说：“哦，我也是...我也是。”

And I'm thinking to myself, "Brené, what are you doing? Why did you bring this up?

然后我对自己说：“布琳，你在干什么？你在干吗呢？你怎么会提这个？

Have you lost your mind? Your sisters would be perfect for this."

你昏了头了吗？你的姐妹这方面是很完美的。”

So I looked back up and she said, "Are you really going to try to break in and steal the video before they put it on YouTube?"

我回过神来，于是她说：“你不会是真的想撬门进去，在他们上传到YouTube之前，把视频偷出来吧？”

And I said, "I'm just thinking about it a little bit."

我说：“我就是想了一小下。”

She said, "You're like the worst vulnerability role model ever."

她说：“你就是史上最糟糕的脆弱者榜样。”

Then I looked at her and I said something that at the time felt a little dramatic, but ended up being more prophetic than dramatic.

然后我看着她说了一些，当时看有点戏剧性，现在看更像是预言的话。

I said, "If 500 turns into 1,000 or 2,000, my life is over."

如果500变成1000或者2000，我就死定了。

I had no contingency plan for four million.

我压根就没想过四百万点击率是什么情况。

And my life did end when that happened.

于是我的生活真的完了。

And maybe the hardest part about my life ending is that I learned something hard about myself,

而或许其中最困难的，就是我发现了自身纠结的那一部分，

and that was that, as much as I would be frustrated about not being able to get my work out to the world,

那就是：一方面我会因为无法把我的工作成果展现给公众而失落，

there was a part of me that was working very hard to engineer staying small, staying right under the radar.

而另一方面我又非常努力想做到不引人注目，隐藏在公众的视线之下。

But I want to talk about what I've learned.

但是我想讲一下我所学到的。

There's two things that I've learned in the last year.

在过去的一年我学到两件事。

The first is: vulnerability is not weakness.

第一件事，脆弱不是弱点。

And that myth is profoundly dangerous.

并且这种错误理解非常危险。

Let me ask you honestly -- and I'll give you this warning, I'm trained as a therapist, so I can out-wait you uncomfortably

我想诚恳地请问大家 -- 先给个提醒，作为一个受过专业训练的治疗师，我知道你们会感觉不太自在

-- so if you could just raise your hand that would be awesome

-- 所以你们只要举手就很好了

-- how many of you honestly, when you're thinking about doing or saying something vulnerable think, "God, vulnerability is weakness."

-- 坦诚地讲有多少人， 当你们想到做一些脆弱的事或说一些脆弱的话的时候，会觉得：天啊，脆弱就是软弱，这就是软弱？

How many of you think of vulnerability and weakness synonymously?

有多少人认为脆弱和软弱是一回事？

The majority of people. Now let me ask you this question:

大部分人。现在我们这样来问：

This past week at TED, how many of you, when you saw vulnerability up here, thought it was pure courage?

在TED刚过去的这周，有多少人，当你们看到（我在这儿讲）脆弱的时候，认为那是纯粹的勇气？

Vulnerability is not weakness. I define vulnerability as emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty.

脆弱不是软弱。我把脆弱定义为：情感的风险、流露，以及不确定性。

It fuels our daily lives. And I've come to the belief -- this is my 12th year doing this research

它驱动我们的日常生活。并且我已经达成了这样一种信念 -- 我已经研究这个课题12年了

-- that vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage -- to be vulnerable, to let ourselves be seen, to be honest.

-- 那就是，脆弱是对我们的勇气最精确的衡量 -- 保留脆弱，开放自我，保持真诚。

One of the weird things that's happened is, after the TED explosion, I got a lot of offers to speak all over the country

有个奇怪的事就是 在TED这个演讲轰动之后， 我收到全国各地的很多邀请

-- everyone from schools and parent meetings to Fortune 500 companies.

-- 从学校家长会 到世界500强的公司。

And so many of the calls went like this, "Dr. Brown, we loved your TED talk.

很多电话都是这样的：“嗨，布朗博士，我们喜欢您的TED演讲。

We'd like you to come in and speak. We'd appreciate it if you wouldn't mention vulnerability or shame."

我们想邀请您来讲一讲。但有一件事 希望您不要提到脆弱或者羞耻。”

What would you like for me to talk about? There's three big answers.

那你们想让我讲什么？有三个主要的答案。

This is mostly, to be honest with you, from the business sector: innovation, creativity and change.

这些老实讲，主要是来自商业领域的革新、创造以及改变。

So let me go on the record and say, vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.

那么就让我在这里当众声明：脆弱是革新、创造以及改变的发源地。

To create is to make something that has never existed before.

创造就是要制造出前所未有的东西。

There's nothing more vulnerable than that.

没有什么比这个更脆弱的了。

Adaptability to change is all about vulnerability.

适应改变的能力全都和脆弱有关。

The second thing, in addition to really finally understanding the relationship between vulnerability and courage,

第二件事，在彻底的理解脆弱和勇气之间的关系之外，

the second thing I learned, is this: We have to talk about shame.

我所学到的第二件事就是：我们必须得谈论羞耻。

And I'm going to be really honest with you.

我将对大家非常坦诚。

When I became a "vulnerability researcher" and that became the focus because of the TED talk -- and I'm not kidding.

当我成为了一个“脆弱研究员”，并且因为那个TED演讲而成为焦点之后 -- 我不是在开玩笑。

I'll give you an example.

我给大家讲个例子。

About three months ago, I was in a sporting goods store buying goggles and shin guards and all the things that parents buy at the sporting goods store.

大概3个月前，当我在一家体育用品店，买泳镜啊护腿啊这些父母买给孩子的东西时，

About from a hundred feet away, this is what I hear: "Vulnerability TED! Vulnerability TED!"

从大概100英尺远，我听到一个声音：“脆弱TED！脆弱TED！”

I'm a fifth-generation Texan. Our family motto is "Lock and load."

我是第五代的德州人，我们的家族格言是：“子弹上膛，准备战斗。”

I am not a natural vulnerability researcher. So I'm like, just keep walking, she's on my six.

我不是天生来研究脆弱的，所以我差不多就这样，就一直走，她在我6点钟方向。

And then I hear, "Vulnerability TED!" I turn around, I go, "Hi."

然后我听到：“脆弱TED！” 我转过身，说：“嗨。”

She's right here and she said, "You're the shame researcher who had the breakdown."

她就在这儿，然后她说：“你就是那个崩溃了的羞耻研究员。”

At this point, parents are, like, pulling their children close.

这时侯，父母们都拉紧他们的孩子。

"Look away." And I'm so worn out at this point in my life, I look at her and I actually say, "It was a fricking spiritual awakening."

“看别处。”这一刻我简直太无语了，我看着她脱口而出的是：“那是一次灵魂的觉醒。”

And she looks back and does this, "I know."

然后她看着我就这样，“我知道。”

And she said, "We watched your TED talk in my book club. Then we read your book and we renamed ourselves 'The Breakdown Babes.'"

然后她说：“我们在读书俱乐部看了你的TED演讲。然后读了你的书之后，我们就给自己改了名字，叫 ‘崩溃辣妹。’”

And she said, "Our tagline is: 'We're falling apart and it feels fantastic.'"

然后她说：“我们的标语是：‘我们正在分崩离析，而且这感觉棒极了。'"

You can only imagine what it's like for me in a faculty meeting.

你们就能想象，我在教师会上是个什么情形了。

So when I became Vulnerability TED, like an action figure -- Like Ninja Barbie, but I'm Vulnerability TED

所以当我成了脆弱TED，像个玩具公仔，比如忍者芭比，只不过我叫脆弱TED。

-- I thought, I'm going to leave that shame stuff behind,

我想，我该把羞耻感研究放一放了，

because I spent six years studying shame before I started writing and talking about vulnerability.

因为在正式开始谈和写作关于脆弱之前，我花了6年的时间来研究羞耻感。

And I thought, thank God, because shame is this horrible topic, no one wants to talk about it.

我当时想，谢天谢地，因为羞耻是个这么可怕的话题。

It's the best way to shut people down on an airplane.

没人想谈论它，它是让飞机上搭讪的人闭嘴的最好方法。

"What do you do?" "I study shame." "Oh."

“您是做什么的？” “我研究羞耻的。”“哦。”

But in surviving this last year, I was reminded of a cardinal rule -- not a research rule,

但是在过去一年的挣扎中，我被一个基本守则所提醒着--不是做研究的守则，

but a moral imperative from my upbringing -- "you've got to dance with the one who brung ya".

而是基于我所受教育的一种道义上的驱使 -- 你只能打好手里已经有的牌。

And I did not learn about vulnerability and courage and creativity and innovation from studying vulnerability.

我并没有通过研究脆弱而学习到勇气、创造、革新以及脆弱。

I learned about these things from studying shame.

我是通过研究羞耻而学到这些。

And so I want to walk you in to shame.

因此我想带大家走进羞耻感。

Jungian analysts call shame the swampland of the soul.

荣格(心理学家)学派把羞耻称作是灵魂的沼泽地。

And we're going to walk in.

而我们就即将踏入。

And the purpose is not to walk in and construct a home and live there.

目的并不是走进去，造个房子住下来。

It is to put on some galoshes -- and walk through and find our way around. Here's why.

而是穿上胶鞋，穿过去并找出可以走的路。这是原因。

We heard the most compelling call ever to have a conversation in this country,

我们已经听到最迫切的呼吁，要在这个国家进行一场对话。

and I think globally, around race, right? Yes? We heard that. Yes?

而且我想全世界都是这样，一场围绕种族问题的对话，是吧？对吗？我们听到了，对吗？

Cannot have that conversation without shame.

不谈羞耻就不会有这场对话。

Because you cannot talk about race without talking about privilege.

因为谈种族不可能不谈到特权。

And when people start talking about privilege, they get paralyzed by shame.

而当人们谈到特权的时候，他们就被羞耻感所淹没了。

We heard a brilliant simple solution to not killing people in surgery, which is, have a checklist.

我们听说了一个简单有效的方法，来降低手术中病人的死亡率，就是准备一个事项清单。

You can't fix that problem without addressing shame,

不解决羞耻感就不会有这个方案，

because when they teach those folks how to suture, they also teach them how to stitch their self-worth to being all-powerful.

因为当他们教那些人（医生）如何缝合的时候，他们也同时教会那些人如何编织自己的自尊，直到认为自己是全能的。

And all-powerful folks don't need checklists.

而全能的人是不需要事项清单的。

And I had to write down the name of this TED Fellow so I didn't mess it up here.

这里我不得不把这位TED同伴的名字写下来，以防止弄错。

Myshkin Ingawale, I hope I did right by you.

梅什金·英格瓦莱，希望我拼对了。

I saw the TED Fellows my first day here.

在这儿的第一天我见到TED的同伴们。

And he got up and he explained how he was driven to create some technology to help test for anemia,

他站起来解释是什么驱使他创造某种帮助检测贫血的技术。

because people were dying unnecessarily.

以防止病人没必要的死亡。

And he said, "I saw this need. So you know what I did? I made it."

他说：“我看到了这个需要，你猜怎么？我做了一个。”

And everybody just burst into applause, and they were like "Yes!" And he said, "And it didn't work.

于是全场爆发出掌声，“真棒！”然后他继续说：“但是它不管用。”

And then I made it 32 more times, and then it worked."

然后我又试了32次， 然后它成了。

You know what the big secret about TED is? I can't wait to tell people this. I guess I'm doing it right now.

你知道TED最大的秘密是什么吗？我等不及想告诉大家，我现在就在说吧。

This is like the failure conference.

这就像是一个失败者的会议。

No, it is. You know why this place is amazing?

不，它就是。为什么这地方很神奇？

Because very few people here are afraid to fail.

因为这里几乎没有人 是害怕失败的。

And no one who gets on the stage, so far that I've seen, has not failed.

而站在这个舞台上的还没有人，据我所知，是未曾失败过的。

I've failed miserably, many times. I don't think the world understands that, because of shame.

我曾经败的很惨，很多次。我觉得大部分人不明白这个道理，出于羞耻感。

There's a great quote that saved me this past year by Theodore Roosevelt.

去年有这么一段话对我帮助很大，来自西奥多·罗斯福，

A lot of people refer to it as the "Man in the Arena" quote.

很多人把它引用为“竞技场里的男人”。

And it goes like this: "It is not the critic who counts.

它是这样的：“荣誉不属于那些批评家。

It is not the man who sits and points out how the doer of deeds could have done things better and how he falls and stumbles.

也不是那些坐在一旁，对真正的做事者指指点点，品头论足的人。

The credit goes to the man in the arena whose face is marred with dust and blood and sweat.

荣誉归于竞技场里的男人，他的面容，被尘土、鲜血和汗水所模糊。

But when he's in the arena, at best, he wins, and at worst, he loses, but when he fails, when he loses, he does so daring greatly."

但当他站在竞技场内，至好他能获胜，至差他会失败。但是当他失败时，当他输掉时，他失败得如此的无所畏惧。”

And that's what this conference, to me, is about.

这就是它带给我的意义。

Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena.

关于生命的意义，关于无所畏惧，关于站到竞技场上。

When you walk up to that arena and you put your hand on the door, and you think, "I'm going in and I'm going to try this,"

当你走上竞技场把手放到门上，你想：“我要进去，我要做这件事。”

shame is the gremlin who says, "Uh, uh. You're not good enough. You never finished that MBA. Your wife left you.

羞耻就是一个小精灵，在你耳边说：“啊哦，你不够好。你从没拿到MBA学位。你妻子离开你了。

I know your dad really wasn't in Luxembourg, he was in Sing Sing.

我知道你爸爸不是在卢森堡，他是在新新（纽约监狱）。

I know those things that happened to you growing up.

我知道你从小到大的糗事。

I know you don't think that you're pretty, smart, talented or powerful enough.

我知道你也清楚自己不够漂亮，或者不够聪明或者不够有才或者不够强壮。

I know your dad never paid attention, even when you made CFO.

我知道即使你当上了CFO你爸爸也从来没在意过。

Shame is that thing. And if we can quiet it down and walk in and say, "I'm going to do this,"

羞耻就是这样。而如果我们能平静下来，走进去对自己说：“我要做这件事，”

we look up and the critic that we see pointing and laughing, 99 percent of the time is who?

我们抬起头，看到那些指指点点嘲笑的人，99%的时候是谁？

Us. Shame drives two big tapes -- "never good enough" -- and, if you can talk it out of that one, "who do you think you are?"

是我们自己。羞耻始终播放着这样两句话 -- “永远不够好”然后，如果你能跨过这一层，“你以为你是谁啊？”

The thing to understand about shame is, it's not guilt.

需要理解的是羞耻不是内疚。

Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior.

羞耻专注于自身，内疚专注于行为。

Shame is "I am bad." Guilt is "I did something bad."

羞耻是“我很糟”，内疚是“我做了很糟的事。”

How many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake?"

在座的有多少人，如果你们做了一些伤害我的事，会愿意说：“对不起，我犯了个错误？”

How many of you would be willing to say that? Guilt: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I'm sorry. I am a mistake.

有多少人会愿意这么说？内疚：对不起，我犯了个错误。羞耻：对不起，我就是个错误。

There's a huge difference between shame and guilt.

羞耻和内疚之间有巨大的差别。

And here's what you need to know.

大家需要知道这些。

Shame is highly, highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, eating disorders.

羞耻是和下面这些行为高度相关的：吸毒，抑郁，暴力，侵略，欺凌，自杀，饮食失调。

And here's what you even need to know more. Guilt, inversely correlated with those things.

而更需要知道的是，内疚，则是恰恰相反。

The ability to hold something we've done or failed to do up against who we want to be is incredibly adaptive.

用我们已经做过或做错的事 来拷问理想的自己，这种程度是可以非常灵活的。

It's uncomfortable, but it's adaptive.

它不舒服，但是是可以调节的。

The other thing you need to know about shame is it's absolutely organized by gender.

关于羞耻还需要知道的另一件事，就是它是完全被性别所导向的。

If shame washes over me and washes over Chris, it's going to feel the same.

当羞耻感涌上我的心头和克里斯的心头，那感觉都是一样的。

Everyone sitting in here knows the warm wash of shame.

这里每个人都知道那是一种什么滋味。

We're pretty sure that the only people who don't experience shame are people who have no capacity for connection or empathy.

我们可以很确定的说唯一不会感到羞耻的人，就是不能建立关系或者不能感同身受的人。

Which means, yes, I have a little shame; no, I'm a sociopath.

意思就是，是，我有一点羞耻；不，我只是不爱交际。

So I would opt for, yes, you have a little shame.

那么我就会认为，是，你有一点羞耻感。

Shame feels the same for men and women, but it's organized by gender.

羞耻的感受对于男人和女人都是一样的，但却根据性别有不同的处理方式。

For women, the best example I can give you is Enjoli, the commercial.

对于女人，我能想到的最好的例子就是恩乔丽（香水品牌）那个广告。

"I can put the wash on the line, pack the lunches, hand out the kisses and be at work at five to nine.

我可以打着电话把衣服洗完，打包午餐，亲吻孩子的脸，工作从5点到9点。

I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never let you forget you're a man."

我可以带回家培根，把它放到火上煎，永远不让你忘了做男人的尊严。

For women, shame is, do it all, do it perfectly and never let them see you sweat.

对女人，羞耻就是事无巨细，尽善尽美，而且从来不让别人看到你流汗。

I don't know how much perfume that commercial sold, but I guarantee you, it moved a lot of antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds.

我不知道这广告卖了多少香水，但我保证，它省了不少抗抑郁药和抗焦虑药。

Shame, for women, is this web of unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we're supposed to be.

羞耻，对于女人，是一张网，是一张由难以实现的、冲突的、抵触的期望所织成的关于理想的自己的网。

And it's a straight-jacket.

它是一件紧身衣。

For men, shame is not a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations.

对于男人，羞耻并不是一系列彼此冲突的期望。

Shame is one, do not be perceived as what? Weak.

羞耻是一样东西，不要被认为什么？弱。

I did not interview men for the first four years of my study.

我研究的开始4年中没采访过男人。

It wasn't until a man looked at me after a book signing, and said, "I love what say about shame, I'm curious why you didn't mention men."

直到有一天在图书签售会后，一个男人看着我说：“我欣赏你关于羞耻感的观点，我很好奇为什么你没提到男人。”

And I said, "I don't study men." And he said, "That's convenient."

我说：“我不研究男人。”然后他说：“这倒真是省事啊。”

And I said, "Why?" And he said, "Because you say to reach out, tell our story, be vulnerable.

我说：“为什么这么说？”他说：“因为你说要走出去，讲自己的经历，不掩饰脆弱。

But you see those books you just signed for my wife and my three daughters?"

但是你看到这些你刚刚给我妻子和三个孩子签名的书了吗？

I said, "Yeah." "They'd rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down.

我说：“嗯。”“她们现在宁愿看着我骑着白马英勇的死掉，也不愿看到我掉下来。

When we reach out and be vulnerable, we get the shit beat out of us.

当我们走出去展现脆弱的时候，我们会被乱拳打死的。

And don't tell me it's from the guys and the coaches and the dads.

而且别跟我说，教练啊老爹啊这样的男人才这么做。

Because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else."

因为我生命中的女人们才是对我最残忍的。”

So I started interviewing men and asking questions.

于是我开始采访男人，向他们提问。

And what I learned is this: You show me a woman who can actually sit with a man in real vulnerability and fear, I'll show you a woman who's done incredible work.

而我所学到的就是：如果你能给我找到这样一个女人，她确实能陪在一个被脆弱和恐惧所淹没的男人旁边，那么我就能给你找出能完成不可思议工作的女人。

You show me a man who can sit with a woman who's just had it, she can't do it all anymore, and his first response is not, "I unloaded the dishwasher!"

你如果能给我找到这样一个男人，他可以陪在一个已经快到底线，再也无法承受的女人旁边，而且他的第一反应并不是：“我把碗都洗好啦！”（意指只会机械地做家务而不懂沟通。）

But he really listens -- because that's all we need -- I'll show you a guy who's done a lot of work.

而是他能真切的聆听 -- 因为那就是我们所需要的 -- 那我就能给你找到真正能干的男人。

Shame is an epidemic in our culture.

羞耻感是我们文化中的一种流行病。

And to get out from underneath it -- to find our way back to each other,

为了脱离这个困境，找到重归彼此的路，

we have to understand how it affects us and how it affects the way we're parenting,

我们必需要理解它是如何影响我们以及它如何影响我们教育孩子的方式，

the way we're working, the way we're looking at each other.

工作的方式，看待彼此的方式。

Very quickly, some research by Mahalik at Boston College.

非常快地分享一些来自波士顿大学马哈立克的研究成果。

He asked, what do women need to do to conform to female norms?

他提出了一个问题：怎样做才算是个标准的女人？

The top answers in this country: nice, thin, modest and use all available resources for appearance.

在这个国家排前几位的答案是：善良，苗条，端庄并且运用一些资源来美化外表。

When he asked about men, what do men in this country need to do to conform with male norms,

当他问人们，这个国家的男人们需要怎么做才算是个标准男人，

the answers were: always show emotional control, work is first, pursue status and violence.

答案是：永远喜怒不形于色，工作第一，追求地位以及暴力。

If we're going to find our way back to each other, we have to understand and know empathy, because empathy's the antidote to shame.

如果我们想找到重归彼此的路，我们必须知道并理解共鸣，因为共鸣是羞耻的解药。

If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment.

如果你把羞耻放入培养皿，它需要三样东西来成倍繁殖：隐蔽、沉默，以及裁决。

If you put the same amount in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive.

如果你放同样量的羞耻到培养皿里并且浇上共鸣，它就不能存活。

The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: me too.

在争执中最有力的三个字：我也是。

And so I'll leave you with this thought.

所以我想把这些思考留给大家。

If we're going to find our way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path.

如果我们想找到重归彼此的方法。脆弱将会是正确的路径。

And I know it's seductive to stand outside the arena,

我知道站在竞技场外面是很诱人的，

because I think I did it my whole life, and think to myself,

因为我想我一辈子都在这么做，

I'm going to go in there and kick some ass when I'm bulletproof and when I'm perfect.

并且对自己说，我要进去踢某人的屁股，只要我已经刀枪不入并且完美无瑕。

And that is seductive. But the truth is, that never happens.

这就是种诱惑。不过真相是这永远不会发生。

And even if you got as perfect as you could and as bulletproof as you could possibly muster when you got in there, that's not what we want to see.

而且即使你已经尽可能的完美了，并且把自己尽可能的装备成刀枪不入，当你进去的时候，那并不是我们想看到的。

We want you to go in. We want to be with you and across from you.

我们希望你进去。我们想和你在一起，和你面对面。

And we just want, for ourselves and the people we care about and the people we work with, to dare greatly.

我们只是想要，为我们自己和我们在意的人以及和我们一起战斗的人，无所畏惧的征战。

So thank you all very much. I really appreciate it.

非常感谢大家。真的很感激。

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